That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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