I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
