I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
