Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
