four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
