Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just fell off a train. Bad.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
