only if we run a train.
done.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
