i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
