Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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