I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
