I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
