i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
