She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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