Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
