At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
