I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
