I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
