a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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