Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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