He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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