I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
