Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize