i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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