Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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