Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
