i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
