Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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