I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
