I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
