I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
