the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize