D3 body, D1 cock
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then he peed in my hair
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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