im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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