She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
