Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
