Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
