in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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