My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
