Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
false alarm, still single
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