I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can I color on your dick again?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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