i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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