i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
