what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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