I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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