the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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