I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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