Fuck appropriateness.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
