Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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