I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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