So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
