I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I party with great urgency now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
