at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
MIDGETS
????
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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