Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
