she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
