I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
