In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
