It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
