i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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