I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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