I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
