so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
