he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
