booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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