apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
