She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
