You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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