he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
